From: Raj at Boston - 1992
"No Dark Side"
QUESTION:In the last year or so Iíve had a lot of emotional growth and changes in my life. And Iíve been wrestling with the darker side of my personality. And in the last four days something shifted and I would like to know what it is?
RAJ: "The darker side of your personality." Let us be careful what words we incarcerate ourselves with. There is no darker side of your personality. There is just your essential Identity and a sense of yourself, called the ego. The ego is a limited sense of selfhood, which you have arrived at through the use of incomplete information and the help of those of varying degrees of ignorance around you. And you have all conspired together to agree to this limited sense of yourself, which we have called the ego.
There is not a dark side to you. There is not an evil side to you. And you cannot possibly be in a struggle. The only tension that you can experience is the tension created by resisting your Divinity. And the only reason you would resist your Divinity, is because you think from your limited perspective that your Divinity is your enemy. Thatís the only reason. It is not an intelligent reason, but it is reasonable, considering the information you are using. In other words, you are always only experiencing what you Divinely are, comfortably or uncomfortably.
Again, there is no evil presence any more than there is an actual measurable presence, called darkness. It is simply the absence of light. Light is measurable; it is a presence; it is an energy. Darkness is not an energy; it is not a presence that can be measured. If you speak of the dark side of your personality, your very choice of words seems to give personality and vitality to this supposed dark side, and you can carry it further and indeed feel that there can be an actual tug-of-war, a real conflict, when there canít. But your belief builds and further supports this personification of what is nothing more than a limited definition of yourselfójust a definition. And you get yourself into more and more trouble.
The shift you have referred to, that has happened this last week, involves a spontaneous release of some belief structures that has made room for a clearer experience of your already existing, Iím going to say, Integrity. And so, there has been a feeling of stability and less feeling of vulnerability, which you have interpreted as more confidence and there has therefore been more peace. And indeed, this is excellent and it will pave the way for further shifting. And I will tell you also that when doubts occur relative to this shifting that you have experienced, the doubts will not hook you as significantly and therefore you will not tend to backslide. Thatís the end of the answer.
QUESTION: Hello to Raj and his entourage. For only a relatively short while has my dream been a happy one. Mostly I donít feel motivated to do anything and I am not happy and I donít feel my integrity; thatís the hardest. What besides loving myself do I need to do to do something, anything, and to feel my own integrity and innocence?
RAJ: I encourage you to find others whose innocence you can reflect back to them. It is very hard to feel oneís integrity while one is all alone, when one is not engaged in an active relationship. I encourage you to find ways to extend yourself to others, not for the purpose of changing them, but for the purpose of being the active reflection of love, the active reflection of innocence. Your integrity is intact. I simply encourage you to uncover it by engaging with others. In other words, give what you would like to experience.
Now, there is something else you need to do: You need to acknowledge what you are already doing. You need to be careful not to minimize the love that you are being, as though itís unimportant, so that you do not cause yourself to feel as though you are not being enough. You are like many people who are very loving and who do for others, but you look at yourself like a half-empty glass instead of a half-full glass. And as a result, you always feel as though youíre coming up short, when youíre coming up at least half-full.
You need to acknowledge the good that you are doing and the love that you are being. What you honor becomes magnified in you. And when the suggestion whispers in your ear that you are not being as effective as you ought to be, or as you could be, I want you to start saying, "maybe Iím not, but what I am doing is Real. And I honor IT, and Iím going to continue."
So you have two tasks here. One is: To be self-aware enough to acknowledge when you are being love. And the other is: To give yourself more opportunity to be with others and reflect back to them their innocence and their integrity. Thatís the end of the answer.
PAUL: May I ask, are you a member of "A Course In Miracles" group?
QUESTION: I certainly am sir, since 1976.
PAUL: Yes, okay. That was along with what Raj was saying. There was the picture that you are in a group. And that in many ways you are in that group already doing the things that he said. And you simply need to give yourself some credit, and not always be so caring about everyone else that you are ignoring what youíre doing and then feeling bad, because it doesnít seem to you like youíre doing anything.
QUESTION: What you are saying is, stop judging me. Thank you.
RAJ: Indeed, you are welcome.
QUESTION: Thank you. I find it hard to ignore some history that Iíve had and some belief that Iíve built up about my history, when it comes to finding some employment that is fulfilling and fun and enlivening and also supports me. And I feel like Iíve looked at this a number of times and sometimes Iíve talked to you about it. On one hand, I actually feel some loosening up happening within myself and I have an inclination that something is coming and itís not far. I guess I want some advice, some insight on: The belief says, "it will never happen," and I know that thatís a lie. And yet I donít have evidence to prove otherwise.
I know what it is. One thought that I have is that when I seem to find something and it looks like, "Oh thereís something that Iím interested in," and I feel some energy about that, I find that I go and get excited about it and I think, "yea that would be something I would like to pursue." I have in the past found that I loose my enthusiasm for doing it before it comes anywhere near fruition. And so, I just keep slogging along because the juice is gone, the energy is gone. And I feel that I have done that with a number of things. So, now I notice the timidity, even when I see something that interest me, I feel like, "oh well, I wonder how long this enthusiasm will last"? I think you get the picture.
RAJ: Indeed. There is another way of interpreting this than as faithlessness. You have been going through a process of weaning, a weaning away from a very definite should system, especially relative to being an adult male--ah, a responsible adult male. And in that weaning it has indeed seemed as though you have lost a lot of definable structure that could be called ca-a-re-e-e-er (career). You have been being emancipated from what had been a very strong should system within you. And indeed, the process hasnít been half bad, even though you have fussed about it all along the way.
Now indeed, the feeling you are having, that it is almost over, that something is on the verge of taking form is correct. And when it happens it will not in any way meet the old criteria of being a responsible adult male. It will not meet the coerced definition that you were trying to embody. And yet, you will appear to be quiet stable, secure and respectable. You have needed this emancipation. And although you have fussed all along the way, you have not dug in your heels. And you will look back on this and you will say, "you know, it happened in a relatively short period of time, considering my overall life. And it happened with a degree of gracefulness, that Iím very pleased with." Thatís what you will be able to say. And then you will wonder why you fussed about it. Thatís the end of the answer.
"White Brotherhood or Hierarchy"
QUESTION: So many things have been written about what they call the "White Brotherhood," some people call them the "Masters of Wisdom," some people call them the "hierarchy." And all those things seem to be very romanticized, very contradictory with all those writings. I would like to hear your opinion about that. If you could share some light about that community, if we can call it that way.
RAJ: Iím sorry, that I do not have any opinions to share with you. Opinions arise out of ignorance. (Laughter) Again, you will find in your spiritual growth or development, that the clearer you become, the more relative, the more grounded, the more simple things are, what has been called the "Great White Brotherhood" or just the "White Brotherhood," etc., is indeed a romanticized notion. But there is a reason for the notion existing. The reason is, that there is something Real, which I will call the Brotherhood of Man, embracing brothers and sisters, the family of Man with a capital "M," the Whole Infinite direct expression of the Father, called the Sons and Daughters of God.
Now, whenever you hear of hierarchies, you may know that you are hearing about something formulated by the ego. Harmony fourth-dimensionally speaking or Really speaking, with a capital "R," is not the result of levels of control or authority, nor is it a result of cooperation between entities. Harmony is the evidence of an indivisible and undivided First Cause or God, which means an indivisible and undivided manifestation or expression of that God. Harmony simply means the beautiful, unerring, orderly Movement of God, Infinitely.
Now, of the Brotherhood of Man, the Sons and Daughters of God, the family of Man, there are those who are Totally Awake and there are those who are, shall I say, still dallying with the ego, still dreaming dreams and defining them as reality. And you must be careful here because there may be a tendency to say that those who are Awake are better than those who are asleep. And the ego will use that as a means for creating conflict and shame and self-doubt, if indeed you are not one of the ones who is Awake. The ego would not have you be Awake, because it would cease to exist, but it will say, "shame on you for not being Awake."
The sense of difference is what I am engaged in nullifying and it is what I ask all of you to be unwilling to validate or energize. You could say that it is like equalizing the pressure on both sides of that which seems to cause a sense of separation, because obviously if that of you in your limited sense of yourself comes into a state of self-appreciation and love, that itís true of the part of you that is called the Holy Spiritóthe disowned part of you that is the Holy Spiritóthat equality, that equivalency is what undoes the seeming boundary that separates you from your conscious experience of your Divinity.
I must say this again. Every single one of you no matter how engrossed you might seem to be in an ignorant perception, every single one of you has the inherent capacity to recognize Truth. And so, I encourage you when you read these various materials, to read them and then listen deeply within yourself and rather than thinking about them and becoming confused, feel for the Truth of what you are reading. And if you get no sense of Truth from it, trust that inner feeling and set it down and leave it alone. Somewhere along the line each one of you has to begin to trust your inherent capacity to recognize Truth, because that is what will confirm to you its dependability and give you courage to trust even further into the unknown, as your ego would put it--that which will allow you to trust further into the Holy Spirit, your disowned or ignored Divinity.
So donít be afraid to read. Donít be afraid to be exposed to ideas that are foreign to you, but donít embrace those ideas until you have, as I said, taken them within and measured them against your ability to recognize Truth. And this way you will never give your power away and you will never be able to be abused by "unscrupulous spiritual teachers," as crazy as that sounds. This is very important. There is no need to be confused, you do not have to embrace and abide with that which is confusing. And if you stay in your best unconfused state, it will be that much easier to discern and recognize what is Truth. Thatís the end of the answer.
QUESTION: Hi Raj. For the last several years Iíve been studying The Course In Miracles and using it for my relationship with my daughter, who hadnít spoken to me for ten years. And the past year there seems to be some small openings in her relationship with me and some connection. I was wondering if I was doing everything I could and how thatís going to turn out, if itís going to improve at all?
RAJ: Indeed, I will put it this way, you are right on target. And your sense of progress is not imagined it is real. And yes, reunion will occur. It is not likely to be for another three years, but you can manage that. And I credit you with not letting yourself be overcome with impatience, in light of the fact, that you have indeed been doing what was appropriate and knew it. It is so easy when one knows he or she is doing the right thing, to then feel that there is justification for impatience, when there are not results as soon as you would like them. All that does is take your peace away from you. It doesnít speed anything up.
"Infinite patience brings immediate results," the Course says. Why? Because in the absence of impatienceówhich is really what infinite patience meansóin the absence of impatience you are in your peace and it is that much easier to be the presence of loveóthe willingness to recognize that which is Real in each and everything.
She has needed to grow up. She has needed some experience with life in order to release some of her, Iím going to say, youthful exuberant self-righteousness. And you have had enough grace to allow for this, even though it hurt you to not have the kind of relationship which you know is desirable. For lack of better words, I will say, it will pay off.
RAJ: I am going to end the day today by pointing out to you, that every single one of you moves forward awkwardly without confidence and no one is an expert at it. And so, everyone feels like a fool in the process, in some ways it is humiliating. But you donít have to do it perfectly. You cannot do it with confidence, because you are emerging back Home, from a place of perceived lack. And that is why with every single one of you there is an assigned Individuality who can stand just in front of where you are and say, "I love you. You are safe. You can move forward the one millimeter that you dare to, or the inch, or the foot."
I want you to be aware that no matter how tiny the yielding is, no matter how faithless your act of faith is, there is rejoicing and encouragement given. If you donít go away today with any other thing that you remember, I want you to remember that you do not have to do it alone. Your willingness to recognize that which is Real in yourself and in your world, is fully supported, even though your conditioning says that it is an idiotic proposition, a useless one.
I have enjoyed being with you and look forward to being with you tomorrow.
"Trust vs. Confidence"
QUESTION: I am on a leading edge and Iím having great difficulty with it. And I would like some suggestion from you as how to work through it and possibly about how long it will take.
RAJ: Succumb to it. Why are you on your leading edge? Is it really because some event in the world took place, or did the event in your world take place because you were ready to move on, and for you to remain longer where you had been would have been inconsistent. It is absolutely necessary for you to realize that there is a different way to look at this and then be willing to. And it is also absolutely necessary for you to see that the event that has caused your distress is an integral part of the orderliness of your expansion.
If you are going to leave the loss of your job outside of Godís domain, as though it were an event that could happen on the basis of world conditionsóI mean by that, economicsóor on the basis of ignorant ego dynamics in your work place, then you will not be able to help but feel as though you are a victim. But you are not a victim, because there isnít one aspect of this that has happened outside of the omnipresence of God and therefore it must truly identify your growth.
You think it is forcing your growth at a time when you ought not to have to grow. But your growth happens and then the evidence of it appears. For example: As you were growing up, you grew and you found out you had grown, because your shoes became uncomfortable and you said, "Ow, I need to get a new pair of shoes." The old pair of shoes are no longer supportive and comfortable. They didnít become tight because you did something wrong, they became tight because something right was happening. And you have been moved out of what you had thought was comfortable, but which could not contain you. Why? Because growing was already happening.
Now, Paul did not expect his job description to change this past February and you did not expect your job description to change. In other words, both of you thought you had some job security. But Being never stops to repeat ItselfóBeing with a capital "B". And Being is constantly making all things new. And so, you cannot afford to hold on to what was. If you do, if Paul does, you will become frustrated and angry and uncomfortable.
Now, I know this is a very trite example, but when Lotís wife looked back she turned to salt. And it is absolutely essential for you and everyone else and Paul, to be willing to have the "forward look." You would only feel self-righteously upset at what has happened, if you thought it was the result of local human circumstances. I will tell you, God was behind it. And I am very well aware, that you can and you even have had moments of being angry at God, and thatís all right. But donít waste too much time shaking your fist at the Heavens. If you are looking up in anger and frustration, you will not be able to see the fulfillment that is right in front of you, in the process of identifying Itself to you.
Now, Iím going to encourage you to, as I said in the beginning, succumb to this. In other words, accept this point of departure that you find yourself at. You thought you had arrivedóas in an airportóat your destination, at least an airport where you would be able to stay for a number of years, a job activity that would be secure. And you have found that instead of that, your next plane is leaving momentarily and you are saying, "NO, I deserve a rest. I deserve not to have to be alert and alive to continuing unfoldment of my fulfillment." There was a mindset there, an expectation of settled in security.
Now, you are not the only one in this boat. And I do not mean the others in your company who also find themselves looking for work, I mean indeed everyone in this room and everyone on this planet. You see, Awakening is occurring everywhere, not just on the face of your planet, but all of those who to your sense who have passed on, who are not yet Awake are also on the threshold of Awakening. And it is happening spontaneously. In other words, it is happening less and less as a matter of conscious choice. And the reason is, that there are fewer and fewer of those who are joined IN a mutual agreement as to the reality of a false sense of reality.
And so, all of you in a sense, are going to find yourself displaced. And that is not something to fear, although you can choose to fear it. You will be displaced from your definite sense of being limited, of being subject to sin, disease and death. You are going to be displaced from your sense of being mortal and sinful. You are going to be displaced from ignorance of who you Are. And itís going to happen whether you want it or not.
Oh, the ego doesnít like that. And that is specifically the problem you are experiencing relative to your loss of your job. Your ego doesnít like not having been in charge of leaving that job, and it does not like not being in charge of what is coming next. That really is what succumbing to the Fatherís will means, yielding to the Movement of God that you really already Are, each one of you.
It is insulting not to be able to take credit for what is happening to you. And you know what? What is really insulting is to have marvelous things happen to you, that you cannot take credit for. Your very experience of being conscious, of experiencing life, is something that not a single one of you is responsible for. Therefore, life existing is a gift. Your conditioning says, take this gift of consciousness and use it to accomplish somethingóand thatís where the trouble starts.
The first chapter of Genesis in your Bible says that, "God created everything and saw everything that He had made and verily it was very Good." Verily, God recognized Himself in it, and it was finished, it was complete, it was whole. Then comes the allegory of Adam and Eve, who find themselves experiencing this expression of wholeness and they say, "Oh, weíve got things to do. We need to decide what all of this is, and name it. And we need to do things with it. Weíve got the cows, and we can get them together and make more cows, and take care of the herd. And we can till the soil, and then we can feel really good about what weíre doing, and develop a sense of who we are by virtue of what we do with all of this." And in effect, they go about duplicating, from their point of view, what God has already finished, instead of being the on going conscious experience of what God is Being.
Waking up is abandoning a private, tiny, personal sense of goals that are engaged in, in order to have a feeling of accomplishment, so that this little tiny separated sense of self can feel good about itself by virtue of itís accomplishments. Now because with every single one of you that is the way you identify yourself, succumbing to or yielding to the already whole and complete Movement of God without adding anything to it is a very humiliating experience. Because in effect, you are abandoning your current but very definite sense of who you are and what makes you a valid presence.
If there is a lot of pride present, if there is a lot of self-confidence, if there is a lot of self-satisfaction all based on what you do and how well you do it and how other people see you, this process of abandoning your sense of identity is very humiliating, it is uncomfortable, it is not easy. That isnít the way itís set up. It doesnít have to be uncomfortable, but it tends to be if you donít realize that there is something beyond your present sense of yourself that is a more fulfilling conscious experience of Being than the one you currently are practicing.
For those of you who are familiar with A Course In Miracles, and the Teachers Manual, you are aware that the first indicator, the first identifier of a teacher of Godówhich is another way of identifying the Son of God or Daughter of Godóis trust. Now, literally, this is addressed to those who are still sleeping and dreaming a dream and thinking the dream is real. Trust is essential, because in order for you to come into the full stature of who you divinely Are you must abandon your present sense of who you areóyour roles, your position, your sense of stature relative to someone else. You cannot depend upon your conditioned thinking.
There is a difference between trust and confidence. And most often what you call trust, is a practice of confidence. Understand that confidence is a willingness to commit to something that you are already familiar with. Thatís what confidence is. Trust is a willingness to commit yourself to the unknown, thatís why it is such a big word. And thatís why it comes first.
Now I told you yesterday, not to value your understanding too much and also donít value your reason too much, at least not when it comes to your growthóyour spiritual growth or your process of awakening. But that doesnít mean it is not valuable. Any truly valuable religious teaching helps to express in thousands of different ways the Allness of God and the nature of God as Love. Why? So that you who do value reasoning and thinking highly, might have a context in which you can arrive at such a clear conviction as to the Allness of God that you can dare to abandon your present sense of yourself and trust into God, trust into the unknown.
Paul was not willing to let go of his best thinking and his best judgments and his metaphysically correct thoughts, because they had worked very well for him. And he had been taught that this was where it was at, that his clearer and clearer perception of truth, his clearer and clearer reasoning about truth would be that which thinking would bring about his ascension, his Awakening. He would never have connected with me if his clear and correct, as it was, hadnít failed him. And yet it was essential for that to happen, just as it has been essential for you to loose your job so that your very high level of self-confidence, with a small "s", might become more obviously less desirable and less trustworthy, less of a place to place your confidence.
And so, as to promote your succumbingómeaning, giving up your best concepts of what is right and opening up, becoming defenseless against the Fatherís will, which is truly your will when you are in your Right Mind, when you are not confusedóto the ego it feels like catastrophe, it is disastrous, it is humiliating.
But imagine if you will, a little canoe on a big river and you have a paddle and the current is strong, you can wear yourself out trying to fight the current but you will not overcome it. And you can say, "Oh, I want to go where the river is going, but I want to go my way. I want to be a little bit closer to the shore. I want the movement to be a little slower." And what happens? You paddle real hard and you work up a sweat and it is hard and you feel good about how well you have dealt with the current. And you get over where the current is a little bit slower and while youíre there, you notice this beautiful sandy beach and verdant fields and beautiful mountains and you say, "Wow, Iíd like to stay here awhile. Iíd like to step out of the boat."
Now, the river represents the Movement of God, which I have referred to as the movement of your capital "B" Being. The more you exert willfulness, determination to not be where the current would take you, the more you are at odds with your essential Being, the more you are at odds with the Movement of Life.
Now, Life itself comes along and grabs your paddle away from you, and some of you complain at the inconsiderateness of life, and some of you get the message and rejoice because you find your peace in yielding to the current of the river. Some of you have fashioned anchors, so that you are safe but not subject to the unknown, because the river canít carry you where you canít see. And I am coming along, and I am saying, "Cut the anchor. Throw away the paddle." And indeed in your case, if life has grabbed the paddle away from you, I say, "donít try to recover it. Donít waste your energy paddling with your hands. Lay back in your canoe and watch what the Father unfolds."
This is very important. Everyday you and everyone else need to get up in the morning and acknowledge that if anything is going on at all it must truly be God MovingóBeing the Movement of Creation. Do not think that creation occurred seventy-five million years ago and that life is just a perpetual motion machine that God set into motion way back when. God is alive and well and Creation is occurring at this very moment. If anything is going on at all, it must necessarily be that Movement of Creation.
And so, every single one of you must dare to look at the circumstances or experiences that seem to be not in your best interest and not representative of a Loving and Omnipresent God. And you must be willing to say, "there must be another way to look at this." You must be willing to say, "Nothing that I see means what I am currently interpreting it to mean." And then you must dare to become curious as to where God is in it and where the evidence of a loving, intelligent, indivisible and therefore unconflicted God is.
I understand that, that is not what your egos will agree with. But you must be unwilling to agree with the way your ego sees it or you will never see beyond it. If you listen to what your ego says, you will in effect, fashion a new paddle or wear your arms out trying to take control again. And the fulfillment that it is your birthright to be experiencing, visibly and tangibly, will seem not to be there for you.
Frustration comes from a sense of powerlessness. And powerlessness promotes a sense of incompetence. And to feel incompetent is intolerable. But what you are feeling is the incompetence of the ego. And you must let the ego be incompetent and not follow itís advice and struggle to assert itís competence again. Because it is only in the presence of the egoís incompetence, it is only in the presence of not feeling competent yourself and having your needs met that you really have the opportunity to discover that there really is a God running things in a manner that constitutes your security.
For six months Paul was unemployed, when he decided that heíd rather do it his way and seek employment, when I had pointed out to him that his appropriate activity was to allow others to ask questions of me. For six months his needs were met, but not by his own hand.
Now, it is one thing if your needs are met for a week or two. You can thank God. And after the week or two is over and things are stable again, you can slip back into feeling responsible yourself and credit yourself with your intelligent handling of your lifeóand never learn a thing. You will thank God for the fact that your need was temporarily met, but of course you know that that couldnít go on forever. So t the bottom line, you are thanking God for the luck of it.
But if your needs are met for six months and you cannot take credit for it, there is no way you can see that as a fluke, as a mere happenstance that happened to bless youóand it becomes clear to you that all of your life, when you have "been in charge" and you have raised your family and you have paid the bills and you have gone to work everyday and you have behaved in an appropriate manner and have created a life for yourself and your children, that everyone else will look at and say is excellent and that you will look at and feel proud ofóthere comes a point when after having your needs met for six months, not of your hand that you realize that all that you thought you were being responsible for was like preparing a second meal on top of the first meal, a useless overlay of effort and sense of accomplishment and pride. It becomes obvious that all of that was superfluous, because God was already preparing a table for you, wholly and completely and it didnít need to be duplicated by you.
And I am speaking to all of you, but I am also speaking to the one who asked the question. How humiliating that discovery can be, or how relieving that discovery can be. You know why you struggle, all of you? Because you donít think there really is a God, even though you profess that you believe in God.
To not be able to claim authorship and responsibility for the good you have in your life and to find that your good continues to unfold for you, even at a pace that causes you to huff and puff to keep up with it, that discovery constitutes for each one of you such a clear experience of the fact that there is a God, that fear no longer functions or operates in you if you are willing to succumb to the already complete expression of wholeness that God is Being, in and as You and your life.
Oh, you say, this is too radical! Well, I will tell you, you do not have to jump off the deep end. If life hasnít grabbed the paddle away from you, you can take the paddle and set it in the canoe with you, handy if you need it. And have a little bit of security in the sense that if you choose to, you can take charge again and you can explore the experience gently.
Now, we must come back to this fundamental point. If the paddle has been unceremoniously grabbed from your hands, it is not because you have done something wrong. And if you seem not to be able to get control of the situation, it is not because you have become truly incompetent. But, it is because, as a part of your spiritual maturing process you have arrived at a size, if you will, in which the old garments of your identity are no longer comfortable, and no longer fit, have split at the seams and there isnít enough to them to keep them attached to you. Why? Because you have grown, not gotten fat. But you have grown into a greater stature of your inherently Divine Being.
Now, to a certain degree, you are enjoying a little temper tantrum. Itís all right. It relieves tension. It doesnít phase God. And your fulfillment that you, from the center of your Being are growing into is continuing to occur. And what will make it easier, is if you will stop kicking against the pricks, if you will, stop kicking against the pressuring of your Divinity to wake up, to be more conscious of that which more closely identifies your fulfillment of purpose.
If you take a glass and you invert it and you put it down in a tub of water, the water will not fill up the glass, the air that is inside the glass will form a bubble, or become a bubble underneath the surface of the water. Now, I want you to imagine that if the glass were turned over while still under the water and the bubble did not float out of it but remained there, and we called this bubble of air the hot air of your ego thinking and you understand that in this humiliating experience that is going on, the necessity is to not generate this hot air and you slowly yield, you become less willful and the volume of the bubble decreases. What happens? Slowly the water around it begins to go down into the glass. And when you finally give up being mad at God, when you finally give up thinking that you have an alternative, when you finally give up thinking that you ought to be able to do something about this as your puny little self, the hot air disappears entirely. And what has happened? You have been, if you are the glass, infilled with the water. You will be infilled by the Holy Spirit, which yesterday I shared with you, was your Divinity held in trust while you dally with the ego.
And so, this awful thing called failure at being an ego, IS in reverse, the letting in of who you Divinely Are. And when the succumbing is allowed, you are at the point of revelation. You are at the point where your life, literally will reconfigure in front of your eyes as an obviously excellent thing.
Every single one of you has at one time or another arrived at a threshold of humiliation and ultimately transformation. What I have described here, is really not unknown to any of you in this room. The degree of it may vary, but you understand the truth of what I am saying. And it is important for you to understand that if in the process of boundary breaking that you are going through, it seems to be very hard work, you cannot afford to say, "I must have done something very wrong." You must dare to acknowledge that you couldnít be having this experience, if growth were not occurring.
For the one whoís shoe has become too small because the foot has grown too big, it would be very foolish to take tape and bind the foot up to try to keep it small so that the discomfort of the shoe could be avoided.
And so, you must be willing to look on the other side of the coin, if you will. And you must be willing to say, "Hum, my ego would have no justification for being upset, unless something that was undoing it, something that was truly threatening to it, was actively present." And what is the only thing that can threaten your ego? Itís the dawning awareness of your Divinity in your consciousness. Itís the Movement of what you Divinely Are, that uncovers the fallacy, the illusory nature of this acquired sense of yourself that we are calling an ego. It means, that the Presence of God must be moving in a way that is uncovering what is purely illusory in your conscious experience.
This is wonderful! And so, you must say, "okay, Iím going to let my ego do itís little jig, do itís contortions and itís fantastic attempts to get my attention, but I rather am going to give my attention to the Movement of God that must be occurring in my life, right here, else my ego wouldnít be making a sound. I am going to become curious. I am going to assume that the Movement of something absolutely unconflicted, absolutely harmonious and utterly fulfilling is asserting Itself in my life, and it really is my Divinity pressuring me to acknowledge it."
Donít waste your time hooking into how bad things look, or the egos suggestion that this wouldnít have happened if you had been more responsible. The threshold of Awakening is the abandonment of all of your conditioned thinking about who you are and what the world and universe is, which is indeed, not a happy place for the ego. But it is the place, as I said, where the bubble of hot air diminishes. And as it diminishes, the infilling or revealing of the clearer experience of the Christ that you Are, occurs. And so, it is a most valuable threshold that you are on in that moment of despair and apparent misery, at least as far as the ego is concerned.
I am going to finish the answer to this question by reminding you, that you do not stand in this apparently vulnerable and humiliating place alone. You are companioned with by those who support you, not your ego, by those who support the Divine One that you Are and strengthen it by joining with it, so that indeed, it becomes easier for you to make the shift gracefully.
Again, I do not say this so that you might feel that waking up is going to be very difficult. I say it so that if because of resistanceís of one kind or another you do experience it as difficult, you will not be able to just say, "Life is hell." There will be something in you that will say, "there must be a different way to look at this. And in spite of what I have been conditioned to think, which is that I must become reactive and do everything I can to get control again." You will not be able to forget that something else is called for, yielding further because there is something beyond the disastrousness and the humiliation of the pressure of your Divinity, as it is defined by your ego. And you will not see it as the dead-end that it seems to be, but rather as an unjust fence that it is not appropriate for you to be bound by, but rather is appropriate to be violated, jumped over, moved through.
At least now you know if you do come up against such an uncomfortable experience, that there is another side to it, that everything around you is geared to have you access and move into. It is just that life is not conforming to your current limited sense of what fulfillment is. And you are being required by your very essential, capital "B" Being, to become free of the limitation that you are currently experiencing.
If as a result of what I have shared with you today, you are able to quickly redefine the humiliating experience of loss and failure, not as an indicator of your incompetence but rather as an undoing of a sense of competence that wasnít connected with the Divinity of you, and that the end result of this dissolving competence that wasnít real, you will access the direct experience of your real competence as the Sons and Daughters of God, you will approach the experience with a "forward look" and some degree of intent to move through it that you would not otherwise of had, period.
Now, I cannot relieve you of your "predicament," because if I did or if I could I would simply help you avoid a new and bigger pair of shoes, a closer approximation of fulfillment of purpose. It would be like a bud still encased in the green leaves, which is feeling the tightness of itís surroundings because itís center is pushing forward saying, "would you apply a little bit of glue to the leaves, so they wonít come apart as easily and help me become comfortable in my tininess." And I cannot do that and would not do that because it is not meant to forever be a bud, it is meant to open up and show itís face. And that is all that is happening.
The pressure of your Divinity is not something to be relieved of, but yielded to. I also know that in spite of the complaining and the inner kicking and screaming, you are yielding. I am confirming to you that that is the intelligent thing. And I am simply saying, do it all the way, go the distance, as it has been said.